Home?

Being college student comes with a serious dilemma. College is weird because it’s not home, but home isn’t home anymore because you’re living at college. However, the baffling part is that you miss whichever one you’re not at. I’ve been at home in Dubai for almost  2 weeks now and it’s been wonderful living under the warmth and extortion of my parents again (sArCasm). However, there are some rare moments when I’m alone in my giant room with 2 cupboard and private bathroom, I really miss my little dorm with a dirty carpet and  impossible to climb lofted bed. I can’t stop thinking about my pile of  dirty laundry that I left in my cupboard. However, I miss the people I’ve been so used to for the past 4 months. The odd part is that I’ve known these people for just 4 months and they are suddenly so important to me than people that I’ve known for 4 years probably. As much as I don’t want to leave my old life that I was living in Dubai, I can’t wait to get back to my new one.

 

Sanna Kapoor

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A New Chapter

The past four months have been nothing short of a roller coaster ride. Being trapped in a small cart, that slowly elevates up and then comes crashing down in flash, with you almost loosing consciousness multiple times and before can even gather yourself, you can already foresee another big drop waiting for you. However, after the ride is over, you kind of enjoyed and want to do it all over again. Or you just sort of never want it to end. That’s college!

Over the past two years, I’ve basically kept this blog about my high school life, which to be honest has been glum and even pessimistic. While being a cynic remains a crucial part of my personality, the past four months have really changed the way I think.I left my home, my city, my life and ventured into a new world. When I walked into my dorm room for the first time, it was tiny, sad and miserable but it was it made me so happy. It was MY home. I was up to me to make it feel like it was somewhere where I belonged. I shared that space with another person whose despite all her flaws is basically my family. She adds her own touch into the space just like I do. Okay, to be honest distressing from the cheesy blurb, I am over nineteen and literally ANYTHING is better than living with my parents.

Unlike high school, when I step out of my college dorm, I meet new people everyday. Everyday, I strike a conversation without someone I don’t know and probably will never even meet again. I have learnt to take risks. I grown so much and so fast in the past four months than I probably would have in the past four years. And honestly, now that I am back for few days and I can’t wait to get back on the roller coaster that has literally made me a 2.0 version of me.

Sanna Kapoor

The Last Straw

Okay, so I’m 8 days away from my high school graduation. Wow, the inevitable has happened. The weird part of this whole situation is that if though I knew this day was eventually going to happen, yet it felt like such an unimaginable event. To be honest, the actual graduation is nothing fancy : You walk to the stage in a gown (over a sari), shake hands with the principle, collect your certificate, pose and walk away. Yup, 12 years of assiduous labour, assignments, rants and tears and it all leads to one piece of paper that is titled “High School Diploma”

My parents will be sitting in the crowd waiting for their own flesh and blood to walk up and grab a diploma. It’s history repeating itself over and over. The poignant moment that marks the end of my childhood, and a start to a brand new life from our old lives. Hands shaking, tapping our feet, anxiously as each name is called up. The next moment will flash by. We all acquire our turn to stand on stage, smiling, grabbing the framed diploma, then a flash… The anxiety silences. It’s one of those things you waste your whole childhood dreaming about, and now that the moment is here, you don’t know how to react.
It’s going to be a good, i’m sure of that. However, I don’t know if it is the end of an era or the beginning of a new journey.
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“Some questions cannot be answered. They become familiar weights in the hand, Ground stones pulled from the pocket, unyielding and cool.”

Overpriced T-shirts and waiting in line. I go to the mall very often. I made a beeline for the food court; I could literally feel my stomach grouch. My mother came carrying a large tray full of fats and carbs which in today’s world is called “Fast Food”. She placed my double cheese burger in front of me and for a strange reason I just stared at it for thirty seconds.
In fifteen thousand years, humans went from hunting and gathering to creating such improbabilities like the airplane, internet and the 390 calorie double cheese burger was there in front of me. This must’ve been an extraordinary journey. Now for a double cheese burger you need to feed, raise, slaughter cows, grind their meat then freeze it, ship it. You also have to grow some wheat and process it. You have milk some cows, convert their milk into cheese, and let’s not even mention the growing and picking of the cucumber or the sweetening of tomatoes or the grinding of mustard seeds! How did we reach a generation where such a complex contraption is even possible? Moreover, how can these 390 calories are served to me in just 5 dirhams?
Questions like these truly cannot be answered, because there is no date when it happened or a written history that explains it. Moreover, what makes this more thought provoking is that we carry these unfathomable questions all around us. They are a burden because they remind how limited our ‘power to know everything’ actually is.We all are confined to such boundaries where we are unable to imagine the unimaginable simply because it’s beyond our imagination. There is always a good side to all this, it tells us that progress in not restricted by boundaries. Just like fifteen thousand years ago, our ancestors couldn’t have possibly imagined a simple double cheeseburger; we cannot imagine what lies ahead of us.It all starts with a tiny, stupid idea, then one thing leads to another, and suddenly, you find something amazing: yourself.
True it is that we carry “round stones” in our pockets, but I do not believe they are “unyielding”. They give the hope to explore, invent and counter which is what we need in our contemporary world.
That simple lunch at the mall made a huge impact. Now somebody might ask how of all things a double cheeseburger was able to inspire me but after all “Some questions cannot be answered.”

10 Awesome Feelings

Recently I’ve noticed that my posts have become a little downbeat. It’s not really my fault. I’ve been very stressed with work which had made me, let’s say, a bit exasperated. Ergh, my first world privileged life is so hard. However, I realized something the other day. While I’ve been infuriated, anxious, worked up etc etc I’ve missed out on so many things.  I’ve enjoyed ranting about things, and complaining about things,but the truth of the matter is that the world is indeed full of pretty cool stuff. So, I’m going to contradict myself (Trust me, I wouldn’t be a teenager if I didn’t) and talk about some awesome things in my life. These things are those that we generally don’t think about on the daily basis. They’re so insignificant that we fail to see how amazing they actually are. So let’s get to it, shall we?

1. The Airport Pick Up

      When someone you love picks you up from the airport at 3am arrival flight.  When your grandparents, or parents shows up it feels like you’re getting airlifted out of the jungle.When you spot them waiting for you make sure to drop that suitcase and run with your backpack into a big beautiful airport hug. For just a moment everything fades to distant background blur. Confession : I almost teared when I saw my mum who came to pick me up after I landed from Singapore after a week’s trip. Yes, I’m a little embraced.

2.Last Day of School

Nobody’s in the mood to study and the teacher well knows that. The day before the session end is just best.Making plans for pool parties, summer birthdays, and sleeping in every morning gives you a great rush and as you walk home with that pen-scratched yearbook in your light and baggy backpack, you curl your lips into a tight smile and stare way off into the distances… thinking tall thoughts … and dreaming big dreams … to fill those beautifully wide open spaces.

3. Stars

They show up in the dark!!!

And when you look up in the dark you see their twinkling beauty, burning yesterday, light years away. Stars remind us how small we are, how far we’ve come, how fast we’re flying, and how we’re never all done. Atoms inside us were in outer space one day … and all of our atoms will fly again that same way.

Millions of suns, flickering in silence, shimmering, sparkling, twinkling.

4. Me time

Lights flash, bulbs blast, and twisted thoughts race around our brains. But handshakes and smiles tire after a while and sometimes all you want is chill time on your own.

5. Passing by the house you grew up.

Every time I pass by I can’t help but glare at the very first house I lived when we first moved to Dubai. It was a corner villa so it’s hard to miss. It has become shadier in the last couple of years but I still love it the same.

6. Old Baby Photos

Reminiscing about how full of joy, effortless, and jovial life was. The biggest problem was that mom wouldn’t let you stay up past 9.30. Honestly, I don’t even remember when was the last time I slept at 9.30

7. Your birthday week

One day is just not enough!

Seriously, the name birthday itself implies that annual celebrations of your life must be squeezed into twenty-four hours. Just one day? That’s not nearly enough time to celebrate good times, come on!

8. Clicking pens with really strong springs.

Yes, it can be frustrating for the person next to you, but it’s a guilty pleasure we all enjoy. If you’re saying that you don’t enjoy clicking pens. You’re probably not human.

9. Mums and Dads

I don’t think this even needs a justification. Parents are truly the awesomest things. We’re so busy growing up ourselves, we often forget they’re growing old.

10.Finishing your last exam.

After sitting on a wobbly wood desk scribbling answers for hours, you finally tip-toe to the front and hand in your last exam. Now you can say goodbye to biology, say goodbye to photosynthesis, say goodbye to hypotenuses, and say goodbye to the leaky pen ink and the invigilator sitting heavy in the hot room.

That’s sums up this post. Basically. I’m sure most of these things are common to most of us. I must say, that was very liberating.

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Sanna Kapoor

Meaning Of Life

I have been meaning to blog about this for very long time now, so here it goes. For the past year and a half I’ve been living in what is scientifically known as “Permanent Existencial Crisis”. This is isn’t just a feeling like “I don’t know what to do with my life” but more like …

dan

(I couldn’t really articulate it in words) Basically, for a very brief period I was not able to function properly because whenever I’d be living my ordinary life, I’d just descend into this limbo of misery. Basically, I thought I was going nowhere and everything was getting too real, too fast. I then just sort of raved on the floor until I was able to collect all my sanity and become productive by doing 1 chemistry chapter. But how did I get here? So here’s a story. By the end of 10th grade I was convinced that I was a smart cookie! I had great results, good friends, lovely parents. It seemed like everything was going my way. This picture of me within myself made me very ambitious with my life and my dreams. I was meant for something. Something Big!

As 11th grade progressed, like any teenager experiences, life became a bit harder! Not only academically but also mentally. One faithful day I realized, “Oh my god, I only have only one life! And if it doesn’t go the way the way I want, what am I to do! I am to make absolutely no mistake otherwise everything is going to crash down and I’m going have to live a life of ultimate boringness”

Now I think the problem is that unless you have some inspirational teacher from a movie that hugs you and tell you everything is going to be alright, for a normal child the transition from infantine child to an ambiguous adult can mind numbing! You go from being in a state of super excitement to realizing that “the future is now happening”. Everything your pre-school and middle school self promised to do when you’re older is NOW!! In less a few months you will out there doing what YOU  want to do! Not what your parents tell you, not your school teachers, It’s just YOU!

But the main point of this blog post is (Do some brain exercises to prepare yourself) You only have one human life so what is the meaning of it? To make a lot of money! and buy a 4 storey house and 2 range rovers! Well, materialistically. The meaning of a human life is the be happy. To not regret the past or worry about the future too much. To make your presence acknowledgeable so generally when you are on your deathbed, the least you can say is “yes, that was satisfactory.”

So if here’s a message that I want to put through : Don’t worry about the future too much. Embrace it with all might. It may not be perfect but it will surely not be unpleasant. And do something that doesn’t make you want to go…

head bang

for 5 hours a day.

Sanna Kapoor